the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
