We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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