I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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