Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
