OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
