I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
