ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
