you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
