I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
