so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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