just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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