he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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