How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
