shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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