dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
