i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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