I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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