Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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