I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
