my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
