Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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