yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
