hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
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