Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
