I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
