i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
