I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
