The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
