i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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