just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
