The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
