sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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