remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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