Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
