you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
