Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
