Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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