I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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