So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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