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i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
