So drunk, too bad you don't want this
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
