Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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