why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
