I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
