he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
