Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
