just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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