So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
