We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
