Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
