i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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