11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
