i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
