and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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