I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
