the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
