I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
