My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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