I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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